Departed

DAY_225__24Day 225 (August 14, 2014) – Newark, NJ

In her last days she dreamed of running along the great wall with her daughter playing with orange balloons. Orange balloons. Perhaps it was a moment of innocence…of peace…of better days. She lay dying of cancer. Only weeks or days remained. Her daughter spoke fondly of the memories they had together along with her sons. They cried. They laughed. With faith, they never questioned why. Sam talked about how her mother always wanted to comfort her. How she never wanted her daughter to feel pain or loss. I remember they days when she showed me the same kindness and love. She always had my back as a coworker. She was my rock when I was young leader. And as everyone remembers her I realize she was special to everyone she came in contact with. It was just her. There are those people who are special. You don’t know why…but they they just are. I’m sad. I don’t have the right words to console her daughter…my friend Star. Star is in her own battle now with an end foreseeable that will leave me in the same place. I watched her slowly walk in aided by a cane. She looked so beautiful and elegant in her infinite sadness. I hugged her and didn’t want to let go. It was one of those hugs that you truly feel inside. It’s when you have a lifetime of conversations in nonverbal communication. Touch, especially in moments like this is truly important. Star spoke about her mom in a soft voice with carefully chosen words. She  shared stories of love and struggle, times of joy and pain and the importance of family. I held back my tears as every word brought back my own memories. I can’t handle death. I really can’t. I’ve said it before. I don’t like uncertainty. I don’t like not knowing what’s next.

She dreamed of playing with orange balloons with her daughter by her side…..

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