I CAN’T BREATHE

DAY 337_-32Day 337 (December 3, 2014) – New York, NY

I can’t breathe!

I CAN’T BREATHE!!!

I can’t breathe because there is a noose around my neck and it’s getting tighter and tighter and tighter…draining every last bit of hope…of optimism….of belief that things will change…..

I can’t breathe….

because everything…every action…every incident…every day life…tells me it’s getting worse…not better……worse.

I can’t breathe….

because I’m crying so hard. It’s that type of cry when you lose control and you can’t make a sound…when all you feel is pain…all you can express is pain…your suffering…their suffering..I don’t know when it will end…I don’t know if it will ever end…

I can’t breathe….

because I don’t know if anything I do is actually working and I’m scared. I’m afraid that I’m running in place. That the not so invisible hand of the “system” continues to block progress..what are they afraid of?

I can’t breathe…

because I watched a man die. I saw the tape! Just like all of you! I saw the damn tape! What about justice? Doesn’t he deserve justice? Don’t we finally deserve justice? Why doesn’t the system ever work for us? Why?

I can’t breathe…

because all of them could be me….my brothers… my family… my friends. Walking while black…hell…living while black…is a dangerous thing in this place. Apparently I’m a dangerous thing in this country. But we don’t have race problems. Everything is just fine.

I can’t breathe….

because I’m too tired to take another breath. I’m too tired of fighting the systems designed to keep me in place..to marginalize me…to always keep me second. I know you don’t see it…and maybe you don’t think it’s real…but I feel it every day….every damn day.

I can’t breathe…

because I’m just too angry. I’M MAD! I don’t want to hear it’s going to be ok….because I know it’s not. It’s only a matter of time until the next one….who it will be? where will it be? I bet you it will look all the same. It will happen in a poor black community…it always does.

I can’t breathe….

I can’t breathe….

Those stars and stripes mean nothing to me. I live in a country where I’ve always been less than…. not equal….justice is not for me… the systems that govern….oppress me…

I can’t …..breathe…… I can’t…… I just can’t anymore….

What am I suppose to do now? I don’t know if I have the fight in me…I really don’t. I’m angry. I’m angry. I’m angry.

You don’t know what it’s like to always have a target on your back… you don’t know what it’s like to always be scared of people that are suppose to protect you…you don’t know what it’s like to be treated this way…to always be treated like you don’t belong or they don’t want you hear.

I just can’t breathe anymore….. no more lies… let’s just face up to it….

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