Still A Long Road To Travel

Day 396_102 b web Day 396 (January 31, 2015) – Pescadero, CA

Last night’s conversation was hard. I’m not quite sure how I feel right now. I’ve also felt like an outsider….not just with this group…but sometimes in this field. It’s an uncomfortable dance with privilege. I remember the first time I attended one of these gatherings….the only person of color in the room…..by mistake….or just happenstance…..but not the first time….and I’m sure it won’t be the last time either.  My entry ticket…only made possible because of where I work. I guess that’s a form of privilege..I have access to spaces and conversations that others don’t. I understand this and sometimes I’m troubled by it.

Should I even be in this conversation?

Does my voice matter?

This space is uncomfortable to me. I don’t want to hold hands and tell you my feelings. They’re not always good. I don’t want to tell you that most of the time I’m jealous of the people around me. I’m jealous of their lives.  I really don’t know how to feel….I just know it’s just hard always being the only one in the room.

 

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2 thoughts on “Still A Long Road To Travel”

  1. I so respect what you’re saying. To be honest, I often feel that my “entry ticket” is in large part because of my SF connection and not because I have earned this on my own. Your voice SO matters. So does mine. Be with the discomfort as much as you can. This is the tough part. Who you are and the work you do is so valuable that you will find yourself in uncomfortable places more often than not. That’s right where you should be.

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